


Black Wings

by Liekinloimu



Series: The Long Long Road [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Homesickness, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liekinloimu/pseuds/Liekinloimu
Summary: When travelling with no destination in mind, Kíli gets news from home.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I never fully intended to write continuation to Wild Like You, even if I knew the general storyline. But then this happened.

The plains of Rohan were spreading vast in all directions. It was a clear day, grass swinging along with the gentle wind. In the west, blue sky was meeting the yellowish expanse around him. Creaking of the cart was a monotonous sound interrupted now and then by nickering of the pony.

Kíli leaned back on the seat and took a long drag from his pipe, letting his thoughts wander. It had been month and a half since he left the mountains behind. Days and days with only his pony for company, nights sleeping under the stars or under his wagon when the weather was bad. Loneliness.

The first weeks had been worst. He had missed his One with a horrible ache in his chest, alternating with the general homesickness for everything he had ever known. He had never been parted from his brother longer than a few days at a time, and this new solitude made him feel hollow. It was like half of him was suddenly missing, the joy of life that had always been such an intrinsic part of him suddenly fully quenched.

But gradually it had started to ease. The ache and feelings of aloneness had not disappeared, but became muted – it was like he had created a space in his mind where he had pushed everything that felt unbearable and then closed it behind a barred door. Something that he never had managed while yet staying at home. Everything he felt was still there, but it wasn’t constantly squeezing his heart or twisting his stomach to nausea anymore.

Stopping occasionally at villages and other settlements along the way helped – everything was new and intriguing, pushing thoughts of Ered Luin to background, even if he was sometimes met with suspicion and derision. Mostly the humans he had met had been at least civil or cautiously friendly, and a traveling smith was often welcomed, as not every settlement had their own smithy. Kíli was glad he had listened so avidly to his uncle’s tales, so he at least had a basic understanding of many human customs and manners. So far he had managed to avoid any serious blunders that ignorance and culture differences could have created.

Kíli blew out a smoke ring and watched as it floated along the wind. He couldn’t help wondering how Thorin had reacted when he finally found out that Kíli had left. Mother had promised she would handle him, but their uncle had a notoriously bad temper. For all he knew, he might already be disowned if Thorin saw Kíli’s leaving as abandonment of their family - for the sake of childish adventures.

He hadn’t liked having to leave without so much as a word to Thorin. But there was no way he could have left without telling why, and Kíli hated lying. Well, lying about big things, that is. Small white lies never hurt anyone. Besides, the way he saw it, he couldn’t lie to his future king, not about something like this. Thorin would never have let him get away with the kind of evasive answer he had given to Fíli, and Kíli did not like to think what would have happened had Thorin found out the truth.

He knew Mother would stand up for him, even lie for him. She had never said anything, but there was no question in his mind that she was fully aware of why he left. When Kíli had sat down next to her in front of the fireplace one evening and told her about his plans to go south, she had never asked for his reasons. She had hugged him hard, and then helped him prepare for the journey. She had even run interference with Fíli a few times, which was telling all by itself.

Sometimes Kíli wondered if something like him had happened in the family before, if what was wrong with him was in fact some hereditary fault in the blood of Durin, perhaps related to the known susceptibility for dragon-sickness1. Surely princess Dís should have been more disturbed by her son’s feelings, unless she had run into a similar situation or at least known about one before?

Kíli was brought up from his morbid thoughts by Nifty’s neighing. He swiftly straightened himself and looked around, hand on the pommel of his sword, trying to find the reason for her sudden interest. There was nothing unusual he could see until he looked up. There was a large bird circling the cart about seventy feet above them. When it saw Kíli take notice, it made a large arc, flying over Nifty’s head giving a loud caw that oddly sounded like a greeting. The raven landed on her back, and she did not even quiver, just turned her head for a moment and flicked her ears as if in recognition, before continuing their slow pace towards east.

“Greetings, lord prince.” The raven gave a dignified bow. “I am Krawc, daughter of Roäc the Whirlwind, son of Carc the Lord of the Sky, at your service.”

Kíli flicked his eyes, surprised, then shook his head and bowed himself. He did have _some_ manners after all. “Kíli, of the line of Durin 2, at your service, lady Krawc.” He eyed the raven, curious, and then stiffened when he was suddenly hit by worry. “What brings you so far in the south, daughter of Roäc? Has something happened at Ered Luin?”

Krawc let out a sound resembling a sniff. “I’m no bearer of bad tidings, little prince. The princess came to my father and asked him for a favor, pleading for him to send one of our kind to keep you company and act as a messenger. I was chosen for the task.” The raven wagged her tail. “Also, ravens do not have _lords_ or _ladies_. Call me Krawc.”

Kíli relaxed, and couldn’t help smiling about how affronted Krawc sounded that she had been called a lady. “Then I am simply Kíli, as well. Lords and princes are too large to fit on this seat with me.” He took a deep inhale from his pipe. “So you plan on following me. Are you merely a messenger, Krawc, or also a spy for my mother?”

“Ravens do not do any dwarf’s dirty work.” The bird ruffled her feathers indignantly. “I will not convey anything to anyone you don’t ask me to, dwarfling. I’m supposed to keep you company, but do keep on insulting me if you want that mop on the top of your head to get some additional decoration.”

Kíli bit the inside of his lip to keep a smirk off his face, so as not to offend his new companion more, even if he felt like chuckling because of the bird’s threat. “My apologies. I might have been blunt, but to be truthful, I do not know much about your kind – and my mother is certainly the type to send a friendly spy my way.”

“Hmph. Leave the assumptions, and we should get along fine. Otherwise I have to make do conversing with Palemane, and though ponies are a lot more polite than dwarves, their conversation can hardly be called captivating.”

“Who – Do you mean Nifty? Ravens can talk with ponies?”

Kíli was sure Krawc would have been raising her eyebrow if she had one. “You do not think any self-respecting horse would call themselves “Nifty”, now do you? Not to mention that after learning this tongue twisting abomination you call Westron, speaking horses’ language is easy like gliding in the wind.”

Krawc spread her wings and hopped from Nifty’s buttocks onto Kíli’s bench. “Enough of pleasantries, dwarfling. I’ve been flying long days searching for you, and I wouldn’t mind some rest. So take the princess’ note from me and let me finally take a nap.”

Krawc extended her foot, around which a piece of paper had been wrapped and secured with a string. Kíli felt like he should have been offended for being continuously called a dwarfling, but coming from the cranky raven it merely amused him. Recognizing the bird was truly tired however, he did as asked and untied the note. “Jump inside the wagon so you won’t accidentally fall off when we hit a bump.”

Krawc hopped into the wagon to lie down as suggested and put her head under her wing. Kíli opened the letter and started reading.

> _My sweetest Kibil 3,_
> 
> _I hope this finds you in good health and happy – or at least as happy as you can be in the circumstances. I know we never talked about the particulars of why you left, and I think you at least suspected I knew the real reason. I do know whom it is you are really running from, and yes, I do know why. You must understand, my little bird, that I love you regardless, and would never judge you because of whom your heart has chosen. Would he ever choose you back, I would support you with all that I am. I have seen the tragedy that comes when two dwarves meant for each other are kept apart._

Kíli swallowed. He could practically hear his mother’s voice in the words. Especially when she used the childhood pet names he had not heard in decades. The support mother was offering was a relief, yet it was a fresh reminder of how impossible his feelings truly were. He speedily read on, not wishing to dwell on the maudlin feelings awoken by his mother’s sympathy.

> _I am sending this letter along with Krawc, who will both be your way to reach us swiftly as well as a companion and hopefully a friend. Please treat her as such. Like all Ravenhill ravens, she is much more than can be seen on the surface._
> 
> _I am sure you are wondering about your uncle. Thorin was his usual tempestuous self when I told him that you left. His tirade was cut short though, when I reminded him of his own youthful foolishness. He is still somewhat angry, but do not fear, my Kibil, it will pass. My brother feels betrayed that you left without telling him, but I do think that was for the best. He will come around, although I might have to slap his thick head a few times to speed the process. Never doubt that he loves you almost as much as your mother does._

Kíli cracked a fragile smile, even if there was dampness in his eyes. He could almost see Thorin covering himself when mother gave him a piece of her mind. Thorin might be king in all but name, but he was firmly under his little sister’s thumb when all was said and done.

> _I hesitate to write to you about your brother – I honestly do not know if you wish to hear about him, or whether you would rather try to forget him for a while. But if I were you, I would want to hear how he fairs._
> 
> _Fíli tries to play it like nothing had changed. Outside the walls of our home he is mostly successful with the deception. But be aware, your leaving has hit him hard. There is now sadness in his eyes that was not there before. And I know he worries about you. You have always been so rash, so lively, and I think he fears that might lead you astray. That you would attract trouble you could not handle on your own._
> 
> _I confess the same fears have gone through my mind a time or two, but I have seen you being cautious and at times cunning while doing your trade, so I trust that you know when you can let go, and when you have to guard yourself. I could not have let you leave if I thought you would never come back. Do not make me regret my decision, so take care of yourself! Remember, never trust strangers. And keep in mind, most dwarves living in the world of humans are even less trustworthy than men – there is a reason why they have left and not returned, and most of those reasons are not as innocent as yours._

Kíli put the letter down to stare in the distance for a while, trying to arrange his tumultuous feelings. His other hand squeezed into a fist. He couldn’t help feeling guilty for Fíli’s suffering of their separation. And he felt somewhat indignant that both Fíli and mother thought he was stupid enough to practically invite trouble when on his own. A little voice at the back of his head tried to whisper that they weren’t actually wrong if you looked at some past incidents. He told the voice to shut up. He was an adult dwarf now, not a reckless dwarfling anymore. After a while his eyes dropped back to the letter in his hand.

> _Please write to us when you have a chance to send a letter. Do not use Krawc unless the message is urgent. She is the one person you can rely on when in trouble._
> 
> _I wish you happiness and speedy journey,_
> 
> _Your loving mother,_
> 
> _Dís, daughter of Thráin_
> 
> _Of the line of Durin_
> 
> _P.S. Keep in mind, I do not wish to have any surprise grandchildren popping up. I know your One is here, but you are a young dwarf, so I have no doubt you will warm a bed or two along your travels. And human females are a lot more fertile than dwarven ladies. Do not grimace at me now, Kíli! You know I was not born yesterday!_

Kíli couldn’t help grimacing regardless. Bedroom activities and one’s mother should never belong in the same context. Especially when she was referring to interspecies relationships, for Mahal’s sake! Not that she was totally wrong. Kíli would already have had his chances with several women along the way had he been inclined to do so. But even if he was hardly the sharpest axe in the armory when emotions were concerned, he could see when the interest in him was created mainly by him being considered an odd novelty. He really would rather have his first time with someone who had interest in him _personally_ , instead of just being a freaky adventure in bed for someone. 

He folded the letter and pocketed it under his jacket. It was good to hear from home, even if he felt drained after all the feelings it had brought up. He would have to try sending an answering letter with the next dependable looking merchant that was northbound. Problem was, he would have to write the letter first. He silently groaned. Oh, how he hated writing. Passionately.

Kíli tied the reins to the cart and hopped off to walk beside Nifty for a while. Some exercise might help clear his head. In the horizon, he could see still see blue sky greeting the yellow and green plains with the hint of mountains in the south. But he did not feel as alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) As far as I know, Durin’s line was not any more susceptible to dragon-sickness than any other family-line of dwarves. The reason for the dragon-sickness in the kings of Durin’s line was one of the seven rings, given to the dwarves by Sauron and always worn by the king. The ring was lost as Thráin was captured by Saruman. In the Hobbit, Thorin and the company were infected by the gold tainted by Smaug. Obviously the reason for the dragon-sickness being the ring was not known to the dwarves, which is why they thought the sickness was hereditary.
> 
> 2) This caused me headache. As far as I know, dwarves identify themselves by their father’s family line. Dís’ husband has not been named anywhere, which gives suspect to him being “low-born”. As Fíli and Kíli are in the direct line of inheritance, Fíli being more or less recognized heir (at least in this ‘verse. I suspect it’s not actually canon anywhere), it wouldn’t make sense for them to introduce themselves by a less known family-line, but introducing themselves as sons of Dís seems disrespectful for their father (In the way that when everybody else identifies by their father’s family line, Kíli and Fíli’s father would have been so insignificant as to not even earn a mention). So I decided they would identify to their mother’s family-line, but referring to the line itself, not to either of their parents.
> 
> 3) Khuzdul word for silver. Dís’ pet name for Kíli since he was very young.
> 
>  
> 
> About the age of dwarves: 
> 
> If you consider canon, there isn’t any uniform amount of “human years” that would correlate with “dwarf years”. So, I’ve gone with the following: dwarfs are canonically considered being “of age” when they turn 40. In human age this would correlate something between 16 to 20. I’ve thought it to be about 16 here, as historically boys have been seen as adults at quite a young age. Since Fíli and Kíli are about 82 and 77 when the quest begins, yet Thorin sees them just about being old enough for the quest, I’d say their equivalent human age is somewhere in their early/mid-twenties – if it would be closer to thirty, the “old enough” issue wouldn’t make any sense. 
> 
> This story happens about 15 years before the quest to Erebor, so Kíli is 62 or thereabouts when he leaves Ered Luin. In human years I consider him being 19 or 20. I also decided dwarves would have two major life points before they are considered fully adult. 40 would be the coming-of-age, when the dwarf would become adult in the face of the law. At this age they also could become officially apprenticed to any craft they wanted to pursue. After they finish their apprenticeship or they turn 60 – whichever comes first – they are considered fully adult, and can take part in politics or marry.
> 
> In this story Kíli has been a smith apprentice for about 20 years. I see this being a series of different apprenticeships where he has gotten different qualifications, and becoming a master arms-smith being the highest level of “degree” he has been aiming.
> 
>  
> 
> About ravens:
> 
> There is not much canon knowledge of ravens in Middle-Earth. Roäc and Carc are canon characters, whose unofficial “sovereign titles” were given by me. Krwac is Roäc’s daughter, but she is one of the many younger siblings, not an heir to the throne. When Dís asked for a companion/messenger for Kíli, Roäc decided that to honor the alliance he needed to send one from the raven royal family, as Kíli is also dwarf royalty – and anyone knowing anything about the Ravenhill ravens would recognize Carc’s name and their alliance with the Erebor dwarves.
> 
> I’m not sure what happened in canon, but in this verse, the Ravenhill ravens left together with the dwarves (living with a dragon neighbor did not seem very wise), but after a number of years, part of the flock returned to Ravenhill with Carc, while the rest stayed at Ered Luin with Roäc.


End file.
